Selected Gay Nursery Rhymes
Louie Crew

1
Humpty Rumpty sat in the tub.
Humpty Rumpty had a hot rub.
All the Quean’s lovers
and all the Quean’s kin
semened poor Rumpty together again.
 
2
Three bland hets. Three bland hets.
See how they screw. See how they screw.
They got in a race with their landlord’s maid.
She cut off their dicks with her steel switchblade.
There never was noisier notice made
of three bland hets.

3
Little Quean Roughie
sat on his toughie
polishing his leather ring.
Along came a sister.
He zipped up and hissed her,
but she cared not a fig for his thing.
 
4
Smelly Tommy Fisher stood by the tearoom
waiting there with his dime.
Not one well-wisher gave her a seabloom,
nor took her explosion in time.
 
5
This little faggot burned witches.
This little faggot hanged.
This little faggot got twitches.
This little faggot pained.
And this little faggot cried:
“I’m gonna get you, heterofuckers!”
 
6
Fickle Florry
Fickle Florry frugally finger-figged
a floozy feline flue,
a floozy feline flue fickle Florry figged.
 
7 
Jack and Bill went up the hill,
but not to fetch a thing.
Jack fell down,
throwing Jill his crown:
with Bill who needs to be king?
 
8 
This is the poker
and this the hole.
Together they make
one key to the soul.

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