The Elements of Loss
Amy Sprague
I dont hear you say my name
as you ask why it is
I let no one love me.
I feel something stir
and I laugh.
This is my way.
Theres no room for clumsy.
Take me or leave me, I
say Ill give you one chance
when I know I wont
give you any.
Best to shield before
they want to leave.
But deep in the
infection of my gut
Im saying
love me, love me.
After my fathers funeral
my mother gave me back
all the things Id made her
as a child.
I sit at home and look at
the finger paintings,
the sequence snowman,
the pictures of the
little girl of me.
I wonder how she
survived that long.
I wonder how she
faced every day
with bravery and
a kind heart with so
many secrets. Secrets
that werent hers.
I wonder what happened
in her little body
that made her fight.
In the hospital,
in my secure room,
all I told my sisters
on visiting day
was Shes gone, shes gone
shes dead! Shes dead!”
and now I know what I meant.
To lose someone you hate
makes you love them.
I shake as I write this.
Loss
its always looking up waiting
for the sky to lift
Im somewhere in betweenway down
and up on my toes
arent we all pushing forward
shouldnt the earth shift beneath our force
buds reaching always reaching.
Some of us, were always watching,
waiting for our half-remembered dreams
knowing we are not magnificent.
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