The Sorry Machine
I am a music box. I cannot carry a different tune. All the other wallflowers stood on their tip toes. I never saw the sun again. RT if you never learned to wear a scarf. RT if you think your body is a tornado shelter. RT if relationships are like tree-houses you always wanted to have one. You had me at retreat.
@tsa @robdelaney How many lbs of peanut butter do I have to smear over my naked body before I get to fly the plane?
The summer I built a dirt fort in my brain. Summer I lost the hand Id wrapped the thread around. That time you thought you were having a breakthrough about who you really are and then it started to rain.
@aRealLiveGhost hi i just found yr tumblr. you are the best thing since black crayons.
@sofifii no one taught me how to get off the phone, i have to burn myself on the stove, theres no other way
Draw two people holding hands and then erase one of them. All the birds are missing pieces. I havent seen an entire bird in weeks. Some of the treadmills have TNT. Some of them dont. I cant live like this.
@petfurniture bet if you turned on one of those csi blacklights you'd see specks of unicorn blood and boy tears EVERYWHERE
In dog years Im pretty depressed. Ive just been ousted as the mayor of a bloodstained mattress. Does me crying into my sleeve count as a podcast. Does me crawling under the desk count as a lesson plan.
@aRealLiveGhost being a dinosaur felt a lot like being a prop.
Ill be hood forever! little Jay-Z wailed and burst into tears.
@SaraJBenincasa move into an elevator shaft of infinite sadness
@SaraJBenincasa elevator shafts are super metal this year.
Dont call it a comeback because I give up on life. For she is a princess bird and a desert fox. Considering setting myself on fire just so I can call 911. Ive started using flu shots recreationally. Zulu hissing a the end of her leash.
@mittromney how do you feel about waffles?
@mittromney whats your favorite kind of ramen?
@mittromney should i sell my hair?
look dude you can only hide under the merch table crying for so long
sometimes when you talk to me I feel like youre performing an autopsy @monstersandmen on now at the @PasteMagazine party.
I am like a beam of light whatever I turn my attention to is improved by it. I will not be bullied into no longer bullying. @aRealLiveGhost sext: leave your house right now go to the hotel turn off the lights lie on the bed still dressed.
I was a vampire that was afraid of the dark.
@aRealLiveGhost I thought we were trying to give the stars a puppy dog theyd never had one not even a dead one.
Theres sad & then theres buying milk at Walgreens sad.
@BelladonnaENT well now i have to go stomp on ts lounge & im not even sure im big enough
@BelladonnaENT i will glare in the direction of that bar until it burns down
Suddenly I realized my cigarettes were alive and that they had always been alive. And to have put sugar in your hair to have tried to tell you.
It turns out I dont speak body language.
@mittromney i have $94,000 in student debt. are we together?
@mittromney whats your stance on murdering mimes?
The best part about re-translating Beowulf has gotta be the surprise ending. I think I can invent a self-cleaning stove. I can kill a hill giant with a flick of my wrist. When is Adele going on the biggest loser.
@petfurniture I was a crushed velvet painting & you were what I was crushing on.
@mittromney 250 million problems?
The first step is to make the stove feel really bad about itself. Local woman stops vomiting blood for A WHOLE HOUR #momentousdayformyanmar
@mittromney republican wild one?
Starting to worry that several people in the crowd now have souls. This bus driver is making me super racist. This is no longer a democracy, Dick Cheney on the next episode of #thewalkingdead. Sotto voice.
@petfurniture remember when i told you that sad story about nobody giving me their numbers after i lost mine & then you didnt give me yrs?
Be the drunken mistake. Why isnt #bethedrunkenmistake trending. Its hard to be the leader of a social movement.
@petfurniture sometimes i just really want to give you paper flowers
Probably should have searched my mouth for weapons. Probably should have searched my weapons for weapons. They call it daylight savings but Im still single. Feel like i need to kill a Hungarian diplomat or something
If a girl takes your breath away you should take away something that she values, like her virginity or her bike. @daneawisher Have you seen that video where Alicia Silverstone chews up her food and spits it into her babys mouth? I have an erection.
@aRealLiveGhost I want to have dead kittens with this girl.
Im the emotional equivalent of an ice-capade.
Lets all take a moment out of our day to celebrate how profound we are. Cant believe I forgot my hooker heels. In Alaska they call rape getting warm. Bands named after animals get so pissed when you skin them.
all of @edward_mullanys poems are snow angels
@hoostown angels dont usually say WHY ME mid-sob?
How much fucking carrot juice do I have to drink before i turn into an ultraviolet bunny of love. Walked Zulu in the rain went running in the rain there was an exterminator in the building I said So. I am you. & then went back to bed
@Powell_DA i prefer to think of slut as a euphemism for enthusiastic!
If pregnancy is a superpower can you rob a bank with it.
time to send out my stock sorry if i said something bad about your book &/or slept with you email #awp12 Packed everything except for feelings #awp12 @edward_mullany I have NEVER SMILED AND MY HEAD IS SONNET SMITHEREENS. This is my wall. There are many walls like it but this one is mine #awp12 @writebloody anyone with hair that pink is already half in love with me #awp12
Special needs rape machine. Captain of the klonopin swim team. Lion Cunt would prbly be a pretty great name for a band.
@mat_johnson twins only activate when their lives are in danger. You can probably see where Im going with this.
The best upper body workout is trying to get your girlfriend to admit where the fuck she was last night.
@SaraJBenincasa every five minutes dip your hands in a bucket of dry ice.
That shit cray K marvels as he ladles some of Js from scratch cranberry sauce onto a fine white plate. You are now watching the throne, K screams as the turkey itself finally makes its appearance. Tell me when the pain kicks in.
@robhuebel whoever has that voodoo doll of me needs to stop feeding it cocaine alcohol aids. I hate it when no one sits next to me on the train because Im drunk & afraid to leave my apt. What if deer are real. Comfortable in my skin more comfortable in yours not an Aztec. Murdered all the blankets for siding with the bed. Whenever someone says to me what do you bring to the table Russel? I say chairs.
@thewrens the theremin sounded like loss.
I know kale is special & all but wilting kale makes you feel like no one loves you also no one ever has.
I have this fantasy where you close the drapes & slowly walk away.
@donni honey I shrink wrapped the kids this way they wont go bad
@simultagnosia our lady of adderall
I am not going to stop punching myself in the face until I move up in line. I took a lot of downers today because I cant figure out how to dim the lights. Im so tired of learning and growing and becoming a better person.
@shelbyfero they need boxed wine that doesnt judge you. as in actually whispers i dont judge you every time you pour a glass
I am a government building. I think theres a Nazgul trapped in the hood of my car. You look good lets screw up our friendship. Im so hungover my syllabus hurts. A priest walks into a bar. He cant stop crying.
@welistenforyou follow me
#ff the lemmings
@FRiGGmagazine I am hearing this because I am reading twitter out loud to feel less alone