The Mystical Art of Accounting

Marc Vincenz

It’s all about volume,

capacity per square metre / foot

(whether metric or imperial floats your proverbial boat);

although, there are others

(a whole slew of choices, in fact):

the Tokyo *Tsubo* for instance; sounds like soy-infused Wasabi sauce;

the Seoul *Pyeong*: true measure of an average ninth century Korean male—

arms and legs fully splayed, face down prostrating, flailed by the brunt

of a Mongolian warlord’s cat o’ nine tails, an ideal size for a
room,

I am told; or perhaps face up, making perfect circles

under cherry blossoms in the snow, stargazing,

defining the rules of space and numbers.

Imperial Peking had,

and Social Democratic Communist Beijing

still has the *Mu*, which possibly derives its name

from the exhausted groan of the water buffalo—

a measure for judging the extent of rice paddies before harvest.

Everything is weighted, ruled, cubed, boxed, angled, triangled—

lucky we came up with these handy things, numbers.

Now we can finally count the stars in the sky—

6000 with the naked eye—and we know useful things

like the distance from the equator to the moon

represents sixty-nine times the girth of a full grown earth.

Funny that, the number 69—

normally I think of being twenty-one again,

in the back of my *Unbeatable Bonk Bug* with Maria-Rosa,

Hispanic-American goddess, gently calculating

trigonometric angles, postulating X/Y positions.

Without numbers we wouldn’t know our up from down,

we wouldn’t even know there are more than two of anything at all—

just be walking on straight lines in flat spaces, like Pacman,

we wouldn’t know an arse from an elbow, really.

Yet, these are mostly distances—things men have conquered,

numbers have far reaching consequences:

Analysts know how much *Namibia* is worth on paper,

in *Dollars, Euros, Rupees*; its equivalent in derivatives;

and in conjunction with funded institutions of science,

how much bacteria and moss can contribute

to the global economic balance sheet—

it has all been tallied out, audited down

to the last decimal point, then stamped,

duly notarised and sealed in hot wax for posterity.

There is surely a secret book,

hidden in the darkest catacombs of the Vatican

where all calculations are indexed for future evidence;

or perhaps it is hermetically locked

in the sprawling prairies of Middle-America,

guarded by the Federal Agency in charge of numbers.

I mean, why else would they call it Area 51,

giving it not one, but two prime numbers?

And, by the way: 69 and 51 add up to 120,

which is a recurring number in the Mayan calendar,

and shall someday well fulfill an ancient prophesy

unlocking the last secrets of the Universe.

Yes, we have developed all sorts of uses for numbers;

we know how many atoms are required in an atom bomb,

but more importantly how much it costs,

(2 billion dollars for Harry Truman in 1945, 20 billion dollars today);

there must be reasons, of course, why God gave us five fingers on each
hand—

he wanted us, it seems, to count on them. One by one by one.