Dear
Noel |
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Dear Noel, anyway, i
keep bumping into lunatics,yesterday night i was roaming the streets,minding
my own business,nailing my daft poems to all the church doorsand god
knows there are many in this bleeding catholic townand smashing the windows
of the library and burning down a few schools and flashing my tits at
the mayor and snogging a few cock-eyed swedish sailors and talking to
a few stray catsnot very sympathetic animals,ill tell you that muchand
jumping in front of speeding cars and peeping through the bedroom window
where my beloved wee andy was sleeping and dreaming his silly rocknroll
star dreams,he doesnt wanna see me anymore,ever since i stabbed him with
that kitchen knife,but ach i cut myself as well,i reckoned it could be
a bonding kind of thing you know,cut each other and then press our wounds
together and wed be soul mates for the rest of our life,but oh no,the
over-sensitive cunt had to panicadmittedly it did spurt quite impressively,but
it was beautiful,but he failed to recognise the beauty of itand then
he called me all sorts of nasty things and then i hit him on the head
with his bass guitar and he passed out and i called an ambulance,but the
ungrateful cunt wouldnt let me accompany them,and now i have to stalk
him if i want to see him,and i want to see him,i wanna see him gyrate
like morrissey,an imaginary mic in his hand,i wanna see him strum his
bass guitar,i wanna see him sleep eat drink,i dont wanna see him wank,wee
andy cant wank,wee andy is supposed to be genderless,except when im
drunk and want to grab his crotch,enough about the talentless geezer,so
yes like i was telling you noel,i was doing the usual stuff,nothing fancy,slashing
my arms with broken beer bottles,sucking a few russian cocks,and giving
the money i just earned to my homeless brothersyou see noel,im not all
badi had a few drinks with the charming bums,there was a bit of humping
and fingering but their dogs got jealous and there was no more booze and
there were malicious junkies scowling at us so i left,i found an empty
warehouse and i wanked over a morrissey picture i had torn out of a music
magazine,at two am i called maffs father and he asked me if i could take
off all my clothes,and i told him that i was in a telephone booth,but
he said that hasnt stopped you before, so i said fair
enough and took off all my clothes,but if i get raped im
gonna blame you and then we talked about paul weller,but i was so
fucking randy so i hung up and ran away,after a few miles i realised i
was naked,my clothes were still in the telephone booth,but i couldnt
find it now,and besides i had almost reached my destination:the loony
bin,i had to liberate a few friends,but then it struck me:Delphine,if
they see you like this,stark naked,slashed arms,MAFF carved
on your belly,two black eyes,burns on your legs (you see i stub my cigarettes
out on my legs),scratches and bruises everywhere,theyre gonna lock you
up in that horrible isolation cell and some sleazy nurse will arsefuck
you and inject some substances in you that will make you reckless and
horny and euphoric but you will be stuck there and all the ecstasy will
go to waste,and they wont let you listen to the smiths and they will
take away your daft poems and they will be the ultimate proof that i should
be locked away for the rest of my life,and they will make me go through
endless tests and assessments and tiresome talks with social workers,shrinks,psychologists,nurses;and
i will be so tempted to concoct new stories,and if they believe me i will
be locked away for the rest of my life cos im suffering from post traumatic
stress disorder and they will stifle me with their warped compassion and
if they dont believe me i will be locked away for the rest of my life
cos im a pathological compulsive liar and they will despise me and rape
me and sedate me and tie me to my bed and when im eighty theyll smother
me with my cushion,the same cushion ive been resting my deluded head
on for the past fifty odd years,oh and i suddenly realized that id forgotten
my morrissey picture at the warehouse and this made me cry,i ran away
from the loony bin and its hostile entrance with all those spiky bars
and the deceivingly innocent looking lawn,mind,noel,i did feel bad about
having to leave my friends at the nuthouse,but what use would it be to
them if i was tied and sedated as well?besides,the cunts let me rot away
in there for two bloody years,though admittedly those were great years
and i met some lovely alcoholic reprobates,and we stole the files and
tears were rolling over our faces as we read how crazy they thought we
were,oh and they analysed all our actions and gestures,poor buggers,are
they really gonna waste their whole life analysing alcoholic reprobates??and
yes,we drank quite a lot and we still drink quite a lot,and occasionally
some of us will slip into a coma,but were high on life,mad fer it,were
the ones in the trenches,but in the spotlights as well,and on the canvas,running,singing,writing,spitting
in the face of the establishment,embarrassing ourselves and everyone else,but
life is flowing through us,and while we are oceans,they are sewers,and
if it wasnt for all our delusions of grandeur and kinky habits
and twisted ambitions,theyd be stacking milk bottles at the supermarket
of death! but im digressing,anyway,as i was walking back to the warehouse
where i left my morrissey picture,the one i always use to wank over,the
one where morrissey is looking quite cocky and smug,and i marvel at his
quiff,and i marvel at his strong comforting eyebrows,not as strong and
comforting as your eyebrows though,noel!! so i was on my way to the warehouse
when all of a sudden a handsome dark-haired man with a bewildered look
in his eyes was coming towards me,he was wearing a night-cap which made
me laugh out loud,and he was carrying a gun which made me shiver,he gestured
for me to go inside,and since i think it unwise to protest against people
with guns and since i wasnt carrying any weapon with me,i went inside,oh
noel,this man covered my puny body with a blanket and he gave me something
to drink,calvados i think it was,i downed it and he pour me another one,and
after ten glasses,it struck me:this man,noel,this man who covered my naked
body with a blanket,it was my father! |
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