In Thailand, hotel owners paint cobras pink so that tourists are less scared
of them. The snakes seem much cuter in a cherry blossom hue and are often photographed.
Most of the tourists are American men. They are bald and double-chinned and
Lawyers are soft. Their skin is made of bleached flour. You should never spray
a lawyer with a water gun, as you may dissolve their skin. A brood of hens will
almost always swarm to fallen flecks of their doughy skin and peck madly until
they break their beaks on the asphalt. Half-beaked chickens are fearless animals
that smell like hot rice vinegar. They make Thai children uncomfortable. The
kids sharpen takian branches with pen knives and chase the hens until they scamper
off, squawking. The pointed sticks are also used to fight off carnivorous plants.
Rural Thailand is chockablock with roving vines that wrap around people's ankles
and drag them along their face. This leaves a train of blood spotted with loose
teeth. Tourists with poor vision glance at this and often mistake it for a pink
cobra. They unzip their fanny packs and reach for their cameras.
Return to Archive